Baby Michael :: Project Molly’s Eyes {Stillwater, MN Newborn Photographer}

I love my job, but there was something a little extra special about this shoot and these images.  100% pure and true love radiate through each image.  Lisa, Michael’s mom, was in awe over the beauty of her son.  This was a perfect first shoot for Project Molly’s Eyes!  We took a moment to take a break from the seemingly never ending rush of doctor appointments, feeding frustrations, thoughts about the first of many procedures and surgeries and years of speech and orthodontics to appreciate the moment and the gift that Michael is… as he is.

Lisa and I had already talked at length before Michael was born about what to expect, fears, frustrations, hopes…  It was also in our conversation I confided in her about the story behind the name of Project Molly’s Eyes, and in that moment this was born.

I can’t help but put myself back in time to where we were when Molly was this age, one month old.  It was such a chaotic time for us: managing my 2 year old son, still unpacking from our move a few months prior from MT to MN, getting my photography business off the ground, weekly orthodontic appointments, caring for the typical newborn needs in addition to the time consuming extra needs that come with a baby who has a cleft lip & palate such as maintaining her oral appliance & tape daily with weekly ortho appointments and feeding requirements.  I made the determination that I would pump my milk for her for an entire year.  This was extremely taxing and anything but fun or easy.  It was my strong will and maybe even bull headedness that pushed me through this challenge I set for myself.  Failure was not an option.  It’s exhausting and very time consuming (like triple the feeding time for a regular newborn since you need to pump, clean and then do special and slow bottle feeding).  Over the year I found myself in challenging situations about where I could pump and when.  I didn’t find it at all funny at the time, but looking back, I can start to see the humor of my hiding out in the back of my Jeep on a 100 degree day during my dinner break at a wedding, ha ha!… kinda.  (I never told any of my wedding couples since I didn’t know how they would take it… ’till now I suppose!)  🙂  It was a very personal choice I made.  Not one I would ever push upon another mother.  The choice is an individual one to be made privately.  The reason I am sharing all of this pumping information however is to say it can be done, and I am both proud and happy I accomplished this challenge.  I believe Molly is healthier for it.  She has never had an ear infection and is almost 18 months now.  When she turned 7 months we began adding a bit of formula to her diet since she needed the iron, and we had little success with spoon feeding since her oral appliance was completed and done at 3 months, with her lip repair surgery.  She had a severe bilateral palate, so she had a huge opening from her mouth to both nostrils.

Looking back I’d say this was the toughest time I’ve had in now my 30 years of life.  I remember welling up pretty much every time I was alone with Molly to and from appointments those first three months, and I don’t cry easily.  It was a lot to take.  I have always been fortunate to have an incredible husband and family who has supported us through everything.  I am in awe with my parent’s inner strength and perseverance with all they have faced.  Not only was I born with a full cleft lip and palate, but my oldest brother endured a mind numbing facial and cognitive accident at age two and my third older brother was born with a partial cleft lip.  My mom taught a few powerful lessons throughout this process.  Take life a day at a time.  Know I am blessed and be thankful for it.  It could be worse.  It’s all relative this life stuff.

If I had the chance to take this all back, meaning my CL&P and Molly’s, I wouldn’t.  Why?  I am wiser in life for it.  I feel and understand deeper.  Don’t get me wrong, it has killed me inside to see Molly endure pain and to think of the bullies she may face later in life as well as all the other procedures and surgeries, but I know she will be a more remarkable for it.  I’ve thought it over a few times on whether or not I should be tell the raw truth on what I say over my posts and to those who contact me, and I have come to the conclusion there’s no other way.  It’s not easy, but few things worthwhile are.